Any machismo ridden male on the planet that says they’ve never had a man-crush or one male celebrity that could feasibly turn them gay is a filthy liar. Man-crushes, like eating, sleeping and sex, is a natural part of the human condition.
Whether they themselves are gay or not, there are certain human beings with the XY chromosomes that possess the uncanny ability to turn any non-curious straight man gay, merely by exfoliating the so-cool-you-want-to-be-with-them-all-the-time attraction you never knew you had.
10. John Cusack
If you grew up as a teen in the 1980s, you can feel free to move Cusack a few places higher on the list. He’s the quintessential guy: he’s got a sharp sense of humor, he’s sensitive, he’s a nerd, and he’s even been an action hero. John Cusack is the kind of guy you wouldn’t think twice about dropping your pants for, if only to be allowed to hang with him for another few hours. The man’s attractive, sure, but Cusack squeaks onto this list based on charm alone. I’d put money down that if he wanted to, Cusack could talk you into changing teams.
9. Javier Bardem
Whereas John Cusack is more personality than he is flair, actor Javier Bardem is unadulterated sex appeal. I don’t care who you are, how many women you’ve seduced, or how strongly you maintain your disinterest in the same sex. No matter what, you can’t deny Javier Bardem’s chiseled, Spanish sexiness. Bardem is one of those guys that can impregnate women with a flick of the eyes or make men ejaculate with mere pronunciation.
He’s like the sex symbol equivalent of Houdini.
8. Alexander Skarsgard
The general stereotype of Swedish boys isn’t helped by Skarsgard’s heart wrenchingly good looks with his blond hair/blue eyed supermodel appearance. Most entries on this list are rather a culmination of personality, talent, looks, etc. but Skarsgard is straight up just lustful attraction.
7. Josh Homme
While normally the ginger populace does nothing to entice me one way or the other, Josh Homme, musician extraordinaire for bands like Queens of the Stone Age, Them Crooked Vultures and Kyuss, bleeds virtuoso and thus, appeals to our artsy-fartsy sides that encourages to pop a boner whenever we see this guy swagger on stage. Of course the quality of his bands lend to his appeal as a potential lover and life partner, but it’s the tingle I get in my groin when I see him strut across a stage that assures me this man could convert more people than Jesus.
6. Barack Obama
Forget for a moment that Obama is one of the most powerful people in the world. In my view, I see Obama’s ability to successfully capture the presidency no different than his potential to turn a straight man gay. He’s a great talker, a young go-getter, and an abnormally attractive politician. He’s like the JFK of the modern era. Maybe not in political prowess or inspiration, but certainly in sex appeal. He’s got the sexy modern businessman look down pat, and with his undeniable abilities to capture your attention (and opinions) with a mere speech, opening your ears to Obama may also open your sexuality to a whole new dimension.
5. Jeff Probst
There’s something innately manly and exotic about Probst. It might be a combination of his long lost days hosting Rock and Roll Jeopardy or the potential of travelling with him around the world while he phones it in as the host of Survivor, but Jeff Probst is one of the sexiest non-celebs on the planet. I mean, let’s face it: the man doesn’t actually do anything but provide a mouthpiece for the rules of Survivor. That said, even for a mouthpiece, Probst is active in an AIDS foundation and even started his own non-profit for kids transitioning out of foster care.
Being a humanitarian combined with a game show host somehow gives Probst the ability to win over the straight dude’s sexuality, whether they like it or not.
4. Jon Hamm
I feel like Hamm just sort of exploded onto the scene and took my borderline homosexuality by storm. He’s been around, sure, but with the success of Mad Men, I’ve become accustomed to seeing his classic Cary Grant-like good looks consistently on television. I rely on the man’s face to put my mind at ease on a nightly basis and find myself being unable to sleep otherwise.
It’s not often that we get an actor with that old school Hollywood sex appeal, but Hamm has it in spades.
3. Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Is it creepy that there’s so many former child stars on this list? Never in my life would I have expected to have a hefty man-crush on the star of Angels in the Outfield and 3rd Rock From the Sun, but here we are.
Gordon-Levitt grew into maturity with films like Brick and The Lookout, and now is a full blown movie star after 500 Days of Summer and Inception. Much like Jon Hamm, he’s got the classic movie star good looks with the talent to back it up. He’s not so much sexy as he his appealing in personality. I just want to get to know him.
And maybe, if I’m lucky, cuddle.
2. Neil Patrick Harris
Who would’ve thought that Doogie Howser would become one of Hollywood’s most celebrated gay actors? His willingness for self-mockery and contributions to nerdom via Joss Whedon and company is an undeniable attraction for men, especially those of us who realize that a gay man who could steal our girlfriends or wives away from us “just because” is a force to be reckoned with.
Might as well take him for ourselves and make the first move.
1. Paul Rudd
Still not convinced? Rudd is the perfect male specimen. He’s the new John Cusack. He’s got a sense of humor, he’s sensitive but not a wuss, he’s got talent, and he’s just downright hot. More than any other person on this list, Rudd is the guy you go gaga over instead of just getting hot in the pants for. Essentially, his character in Clueless has remained his persona throughout the rest of his career. And seeing as how we were able to look past his creepy crush on his stepsister, that says a lot about our willingness to overlook certain boundaries when it comes to Paul Rudd.
Because that was just gross.