Laws That Could Land You in Cuffs…and Not in the Good Way
From state to state, there are an overwhelming amount of alleged laws regulating citizens’ sex lives. They range from limiting the type of sex you can have (no S&M in Mississippi), to where you can do it (not in a walk-in meat freezer in Wyoming), all the way up to certain activities you’re allowed to engage in (no shooting off a gun while your female partner climaxes in Wisconsin). While the majority are ridiculous, I can see how some of these laws do hold merit. I wouldn’t want to be driving next to the no-doubt distracted guy who’s “receiving pleasure” while driving, which is against the law in Tennessee. If caught in action, risking a little road head will cost you a minimum fine of $50, plus 30 days in jail! Here are some other interesting ones that will make you want to hear the story behind why this law is necessary.
Washington: It is illegal to have sex with a virgin under any circumstances. Wedding night included.
As if losing your virginity weren’t awkward enough, now you have to worry about being arrested unless you cross state lines. Not only must this be difficult to enforce, it also seems like a lot of work for something that will last five minutes…tops.
Montana: Sexual activity between members of the opposite sex is forbidden in the front yard of a home after sundown if they’re nude.
Simple solution: socks! Apparently lawn sex is permissible if it takes place during the day, or if it’s with a member of the same sex.
Pennsylvania: It is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a tollbooth.
Sorry female toll collectors, your beloved truckers will have to keep it classy, sticking to rest stops and roadside diners.
Washington D.C.: Missionary is the only acceptable sexual position. Any other position is considered illegal.
Why bother? No sex at all sounds better than having luke-warm sex. Besides, with all those kinky politicians running around, there’s sure to be a lot of law breaking going on.
Oregon: It’s against the law for a husband to curse during sex.
Law makers are apparently big fans of boring sex. Somehow “make-love-to-me harder,” just doesn’t get the point across. In fact, it’s probably going to get you laughed at.
Minnesota: No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath. If his wife so requests, law mandates he must brush his teeth.
This is completely agreeable…it’s a matter of common courtesy. Other states should consider adopting this policy.
Virginia: It’s illegal to engage in sexual activity with the lights on.
This is good if a) you’re ugly, or b) you’re sleeping with your cousin. Considering we’re talking about Virginia, perhaps this one is understandable as well.
Massachusetts: At a rodeo it is illegal to have sex with a rodeo clown in the presence of horses.
Who knew rodeos were so popular in Massachusetts? Residents often come off as uptight, so maybe their horses are too.
Virginia: No one may have sex in the sidecar of a motorcycle while riding down a city street.
This would imaginably be an uncomfortable trip for the driver of the bike. Not to mention utterly embarrassing if they happened to take a turn too quickly, sending the hot-and-heavy sidecar passengers flying into the middle of the street, mid-screw.
Utah: No woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman’s name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.
Now there’s an article worthy of its own scrapbook page to share with the grandkids someday. For the lucky girl who gets published, things can go one of two ways. Either she’ll be mortified, camped out in her parents driveway at 5am the next morning to intercept their paper, or she’ll embrace the unintentional publicity, picking up multiple copies at the newsstand for any friends who may have missed it.
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