Are more than two still taboo? Guess it depends who you ask. Everyone has their own opinion about monogamy, promiscuity, and the arbitrary rules governing sexual expression.
Sexual experimentation with multiple partners, whether it’s a solo endeavor with friends or a joint affair with a steady partner, is not so unpopular. If you speak openly with your partner about their secret desires, it won’t be long before “three way?” escapes someone’s lips. Even the most conventional couples have considered the possibility of inviting a temporary playfellow. While it seems as though cooperative adultery is the new black, how does one go about establishing the boundaries of multiple non-monogamous relationships independently?
I said it. There is a new relationship in town. And it involves you, and multiple partners of your choosing. “How could this possibly work?” you might ask. But lets be honest, how could it not?
Relationships can be tough. Stressed about your job, stressed about your rent and your bills, and stressed that your partner doesn’t know when to shut the fuck up. There is no love without trust, and that’s true, but who said that love is made only for two? The problem with relationships often stems from the fact that people become too entrenched in one another’s lives. Suddenly your business becomes your partner’s business, and they think that this gives them free reign to offer an opinion on your business. Their opinion pisses you off, and then the sex suffers, which pisses you off even more. By the end of the week, you can’t even imagine sticking your dick anywhere near your partner. After the mental and emotional distress they’ve inflicted upon your pitifully restrained soul, the thought of being naked in the same room with them sends your balls running straight for your throat. You can’t outright say, “No I don’t want to fuck you after the way you’ve tortured me all week!” So you go through the motions, get off, go to sleep, and drive the cycle.
For those who are interested in breaking the cycle, it can be easier than one might suspect. By informing each of your partners of your unconventional approach, you are showing respect and honesty. Reassure partners that you are into him or her, and love spending time with them. If time spent with a lover is time well spent, they have no reason to be jealous of your other comings and goings. If you are having safe sex, you are truthful, and you know your own limitations, you may find that an open relationship is your best bet.
Perhaps for many of us, promiscuity makes sense in theory but is far more complex in practice. There are always, after all, those silly emotions that get in the way. But if you are not in a serious relationship, and you are exploring your options, honesty and discovery are the best policies.
There are loads of reasons (historical, religious, anthropological, psychological etc.) why humans revert to archetypal coupling. Couples can work. I’m not suggesting here that they cannot or do not. But I am suggesting, that with an open mind, for some people, polyamory can be nothing other than blissful.
By: Rhys Darling
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