When approaching the expansion of your sex life it can be easiest to take baby steps. But before these steps can be taken, both partners must be GGG. Good, giving, and game—thank you sex advice columnist Dan Savage who coined the term. You must be good in bed, giving equal time, and game for almost anything reasonable.
To explore the wide realm of other flavors, both you and your partner must be GGG and open to all of each others ideas and wants. Notice how I say open, not “you must piss on your partner according to his or her desires.” There are ways to provide for your partners kinks and needs without completely exiting your comfort zone. Or if one must exit their comfort zone, there are ways to do it slowly, like adjusting to a cold pool.
My ideal first step, or taste of another flavor? Dirty talk. I don’t mean you have to start screaming how your partner is a “bad boy/girl” and you must spank them—though if that works for you, go for it! Being vocal in the bedroom can increase the pleasure for both partners. Whether it’s as small as “oh stay right there” or as loud as you pounding on the walls screaming your heart out, it all works.
It is important to always discuss the flavors of sex with your partner before trying a new one and to set boundaries, determine comfort levels, and be honest with each other. A great way to do this is to try a “Yes, No, Maybe” list. My boyfriend and I tried this a few months ago and not only learned a lot about each other, but it opened the floor to discuss our various kinks and wants. It is simple and takes very little time. You and your partner sit down together and make three columns on a piece of paper. One titled “Yes, I’d love to” “No I’d never do that” and “Maybe if conditions were right” or just yes, no and maybe, if all of that is too much to write. Then each of you take turns throwing out ideas and the other says which column it falls under for them, and you say which column it would fall under for you. It can be as small as blow jobs (though there are probably other problems if you haven’t discussed blow jobs before) and as large as erotic asphyxiation.
Let your minds wander and your knowledge grow. These lists will prove to be immensely helpful when diving further in to exploration of your sex life.
Once your list is made, you are one step closer to trying your second, or third flavor of sex and eventually leaving vanilla sex for every once in a blue moon. Start practicing the dirty talk and letting yourself explore making noise and sounds in the bedroom. Humans are much more animalistic than most like to think and by embracing that, your sex will be better. I promise! But as I said before, always discuss desires and wants before putting them in to practice. Especially since some wants may be dangerous or require preparation. Also, most likely if you just spring something on your partner, they’d stop the sex anyway to ask what the hell? Since not everyone may want a fist in their anus without forewarning.
-Geneva
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