Celebrity culture. It rules our society. We are given a full run down of what these celebutards ate for dinner, bought on Rodeo Drive, how big their shit was last night. We even know their salaries, but have you ever wondered what it would be like to get head from Megan Fox or what it would be like to stick your dick in Kim Kardashian’s cheese buns? Of course you have! It’s no secret that everyone has fantasies involving Hollywood sex symbols. You put them in your own little scenarios and in your dreams they fuck like champions. Have you ever really thought “On a scale 1-10, how amazing would she really be?” NO? Well we have compiled a list, gave some ratings and went home happy. How well do you think they rate on the FUCK-O-METER?
10 out of 10
If you say you never came all over your Power Ranger sheets while watching “Baby One More Time” on TRL, you sir are lying. Britney has covered almost every fantasy. Horny ass schoolgirl? check, Superhero? check, Latex? yep. Orgies? Uh Huh.
Britney is a freak to the core. With lyrics like “The way I put it down boy you know should be a crime” and all the little moans and groans she does on the layers of the track you know she will get on top, slide off and then swallow your babies. Besides she is rumored to have a secret sex lair in her mansion equipped with whips, chains and paddles. Oh and with a Bipolar diagnosis you have to know mentally unstable broads fuck better than the rest of em. Just call it Jekyll and Hyde sex, like having two bitches at once.
Skills: Being a slave, faking a British accent, circus tricks, sucking on Cheetos.
8.5 out of 10
GaGa is simply what you call a butterface. Everything looks delicious but her face. She loves wearing leotards that tickle her clit (or her balls depending on what source) and everyone knows ugly girls are 69% more likely to love anal, it’s a fact.
Gaga is obsessed with blood, murder and monsters. She would definitely throw on her best Sharon Tate wig and let you play “Charlie’s coming”. She is also rumored to have a DUNT (Dick and Cunt) which can be fun, if you are into that type of thing. Plus, who doesn’t like to poke a face? It would be nice to face fuck her and never have to hear her say “Alejandro” ever again.
Skills: Playing poker, Bluffin her muffin, dick tucking.
6.5 out of 10
Lindsay. Lindsanity. Blohan. Such endearing names for this girl. Lindsay is the kind of lady who likes to be treated to an 8-ball and a bottle of Grey Goose. You give her these things and she will probably let you and you friends run a train. Choo Choo!!
This little lady has the potential to get a 10 but the fact that she is the girl at the party passed out in the corner with vomit dried up on her lips, still singing along to “Shots, Shots, Shots, Shots, Shots,” brings her points down a bit. Lindsay likes sausage and tuna, so she is eclectic which is a plus. She has daddy issues so she is a shoe in for fucking for self esteem. When will you ever get a chance to dick slap a criminal? And don’t forget she will snort coke off your dick. Scoreeee!!!
Skills: Crackhead Blow jobs, Skiing, Keg stands.
9.0 out of 10
Katy Perry. Purrrr. She is the quintessential Christian girl gone bad. A valley girl who kisses other girls and makes your jeans that much tighter, but leaves you with a raging case of blue balls and thinks it’s so fucking funny.
She may come off as a cock tease but once you get her alone she will spread her legs and her lips, looking at you with those doe eyes. She is the poor man’s Bettie Page or Dita Von Teese lite. Just make sure you wrap your willy because after fucking with Russell Brand, your dick might get gangrene and need to be amputated! Ahhh!
Skills: Her Titties lactate Whipped Cream. Yum. Enough said.
9 out of 10
Christina or XXXtina. A slut of her own breed. The quality of a Hunt’s Point hooker. She isn’t bowlegged for no reason if you catch my drift.
Christina is a genie and will make all your dirtiest wishes come true. She is convinced that her “woo hoo” tastes like cake. I have a suspicion it tastes like week old hot dogs in vinegar. If you can withstand that odor, you will undoubtedly have the time of your life. Just don’t count on her having a tight vag, that shit probably looks like the Chilean earthquake. Don’t count on her poop shoot being any better.
Skills: Think about all the things a Tijuana hooker can do!!! Xtina can do it better and for longer.
10 out of 10
Ke$ha. The girl that will babysit your kids, raid your liquor cabinet and have her boyfriend come over and a shoot a porno on your Egyptian cotton sheets. The girl that stays up all night long, uses words that would make your granny sick and has an aversion to good hygiene practices.
Ke$ha is a rude gal. She doesn’t want you to spit game to loosen her Levi’s up. She wants you to cut to the chase. Like she says in the hit “Blah Blah Blah”- “Don’t be a little bitch with your chit chat, just show me where your dick’s at.” She knows what she wants and it sure as hell isn’t dinner and a movie. She could be a little intimidating and will probably give you road head on Santa Monica Boulevard during the afternoon. Ke$ha isn’t scared of shit. Cops, kids seeing or a little love juice on her tits.After all, This is the girl who had pictures on the internet with a smile on her lips and some jizz on her heart.
Skills:Pissing in champagne, Causing a ruckus, Kissing Katy Perry