A lot of good things can be said for the Japanese. Sushi is great. Samurais are badass. Rock gardens are kinda neat. And their weird game shows that put contestants in mortifying situations are pretty funny.
Also, without Japan, we over here in the west might be S.O.L. as far as technology and electronics are concerned. Sony, Toyota, Honda – all household names. And they definitely had camera phones waaaaaaaay before we did, so all the sexters out there can thank them for that.
The Japanese also revolutionized the sex doll and made a sex robot!! If that’s your thing then it sounds way better than a lifeless blowup doll, right?!?!
For the porn lovers out there with “asian fever,” as they say, there is definitely no shortage of porno output. Japan’s porn industry is apparently booming. Japorno, we will call it.
There is some kind of Japorno catered to every fetish or inclination—ranging from disturbing, like incest, to the standard porn starlet feature. But then there are other that are just strange and hilarious. Below I have featured some of my personal favorites.
Who comes up with these translations anyway?!?!
“The Feel of Armpit Hair”
I’m all for women’s right to let it grow, but something about those film stills tells me that not a lot of armpit hair is being felt up.
“Beautiful Competitive Swimwear-Wearing Instructor—Yuna Shiina”
Competitive swimwear?? That seems unnecessarily specific, doesn’t it? And why competitive swimwear? For those conservative, classy porn watchers? For the competitive swimwear fetishist?
“I am reluctant but since it has come to this…please – Yui Hiratsuka”
Another porno starlet feature wearing a one-piece?! Sure, ok, but come to what exactly? And please what? Hmm, I dunno, her expression may be reluctant, but her body is definitely saying yes.
Now for a personal favorite of mine.
“Put on a chameleon suit that makes you blend into the scenery and become invisible to go into an women’s bathroom to molest them”
WOAH!!! I almost didn’t even see those guys in chameleon suits they blend in so well!!!! So realistic too, with their Kermit the Frog eyes and holes for the faces and dicks!! Those ladies look completely taken off-guard. Looks like these guys really pulled one over on these showering ladies, although those guys in the green could take a hint from the guys in the white. They are obviously pros at this charade.
“Quietly taking away women’s clothing while they are at a bath! Amateurs running away after their bath in full view”
Oh those Japanese men and their trickery!! My buddies wish they were clever enough to do this in junior high. Also, is it me or do some of these titles seem a bit gratuitous in their detail?
“Gal Living Alone! When the Super Cheap Moving Center Staff’s Penis That Erected Involuntarily is Shown, it Leads to Sex?!”
I’m sure these kinds of things happen in real life, but again with the titles!!! Surely it can shorten it or some suggestive title be made up? For example, there is an American gay porno call “Musclemen Moving Company Inc.” See how easy that was?
“Woman from a top-rated college at the employment seminar, coerced with employment as bait”
There’s that trickery again!!! Did these girls not research this company before applying? That’s just improper interview preparation. And what about those men in the top right? They look like they are there to interview too. Are they just there as a ruse? How does this company stay in business?? What is their business?? Oh that’s right, Japorno.
“Did women notice the erect penis?”
Oh, you mean the erect penis hanging out of dude’s super short shorts? The one that has been blurred for the cover, but still obviously a penis? The penis that is directly in front of her face? I’m going to have to go with yes, she noticed.
“Face Riding Pressure”
Well, from the cover this one seems to be more empowering to women. Chameleon suit wearing fornicators and clothes stealing deceivers stand back!! This lady is going to use you, and not even all of you! Just your face! And she’s going to smoke a cigarette while you do it and not even thank you for your efforts!!! Go girl.
“I Want to Ejaculate at this Place! When the lights are off on a Long-Distance Flight, I sneakily show a Flight Attendant how good I am at sex!”
Are you sure? Doesn’t look like you’re being too clandestine. Doesn’t even look like the lights went off yet. It kinda just looks you pulled your dick out when the flight attendant bent down to pick up the napkin you “accidentally” dropped. And you’re going to do it right there on the seat too?? Why wouldn’t you go to the flight attendants station, where there are probably curtains? Now someone else is going to get up to go to the lavatory and see you two and expect the same treatment. And then the flight attendant is not going to get enough rest and forget to explain the emergency safety procedures on the next flight. C’mon man!
“Tuesday is “Go to School Naked” Day 05”
What school? Do they live on campus, because commuting like that could be problematic. What are they supposed to be learning, anyway? Can’t they just do this in the dorms after school? Oh, I get it. This is Japorno school.
“New Mature Hips – Shameful Exhibitionism Trip 1”
Notice that guy in the background in the top right!! Enough said.
“It is not possible to endure it during a mountain climbing excursion, capture an innocent girl peeing under a tree”
Endure what exactly? There go those creepers with the sneak attack again. Can’t they at least wait until she’s finished relieving herself before they double team her breasts. Who knows how long she’s been trying to get away from the group so she can pee in private. Too bad you were lurking in the background. There is just too much to say about this one. That girl actually looks prepubescent. Yeesh.
“Great Transformation! When I Rub My Eyes, The Clothes Which My Mom Wore Disappeared, And Became a Nude Apron!!”
Why is this wrong? Because of the hilariously cartoon-y and overly colorful cover, not to mention her ridiculous pose with what seem to be jazz hands. Oh yea, and she is your mom.
“Student on school excursion who witnessed a molester in action becomes horny”
Something tells me that whoever is translating these titles is unaware that the word ‘molester’ is not very sexy in English. And as for the girl who is becoming horny looks more surprised than aroused, because how is no one else noticing that?!?!
That’s all for now.
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I raelly wish there were more articles like this on the web.