• Tweet
• Share
• Email

• Tweet
• Share
• Email

Do you suffer from penis slippage when you are having sex?  Do women disappear on you after you reveal your lil dick to her?  Do you want to run with the big boys?  If have answered yes to any of these questions, it is now time to take control of your life and do something about it.  With these ten easy steps, you can now pump it up in the comfort of your own home without surgery, pumps or fake extensions that don’t match your skin tone.

The process is called “Jelqing” aka penis milking.  This technique makes the penis increase in size by forcing blood into the glans over and over again, causing the corpus cavernosa to expand.  According to legend, this technique originated in the Middle East where father’s prepared their son’s for sexual relationships by showing them this massage technique to increase their penis size.  Although some people shun our brother’s in this part of the world, it is a highly practiced, secret technique amongst men here in the USA.  However, it is all in the rub.  With persistence and discipline, you can be on your way to a big ole “zombie dick” that will make the ladies fall in love with you for a very long time.

This exercise can be done after a nice warm shower or before you retire for bed.  If you feel more comfortable lying in bed doing it, just make sure you bend your knees and pull your penis towards your legs.

You can do it the wet or dry way.  It is strictly up to you.  The wet method includes applying lube or Vaseline during the massage technique, which with the dry method, bare back, dry hand is used.  If you are going to wet milk it, try lubes that are water or oil-based, like KY Jelly or baby oil with vitamin E added.

Dry jelqing should only be done after you master the wet version first because it can be harder on the skin.  However, some men like it because there is no clean up required after the workout and it so discreet that you can do it while working in your office cubicle or in a bathroom stall without anyone knowing.  Shhhhhh.

GET YOUR WEIGHT UP – EXERCISE IT!

FIRST – Start with a warm up using a warm towel on your lil man for about five minutes to get the blood flowing to it.  This will help relax it and get it ready for the long stroke ahead of him.

SECOND – You want to make sure that your dick is semi-hard, but not fully erect. To do this, pull outward on it, but make sure you don’t slide your fingers over your penis.  Some men state that “jelqing” at different erection levels yield different effects.  For example, lower erection levels help men achieve length and a higher erection helps with width.  It is suggested that the erection level is somewhat in the middle of both to maximize it.  However, a full boner can be dangerous because it can rupture a blood vessel.  OUCH!

THIRD – This technique is done by wrapping the thumb and index finger around the base of the shaft and up to the head.  This is considered one.  Your hand should resemble an OK sign.  This ensures that blood doesn’t’ escape while doing it.  However, make sure that you don’t squeeze him too hard.  This could make the blood vessels pop and leave some ugly bruises.  It is important to not milk the glans.  Each jelq should take on average 2 to 3 seconds to do.

FOURTH – Start out slow and work up to a faster pace.  The head of your penis will fill up with blood and being to tingle. When this happens, you know it is working.  You don’t want to start jerking it.  This is not masturbation.  If your hand gets tired, you can switch to the other one.  Don’t be surprised if the veins in your hands start sticking out.  Your hand is getting a workout like never before.

**Warning: You might have to register them as weapons now.

For you lazy asses if your hands get tired and don’t have the energy to carry out this technique on your own, you can purchase a Jelq device that will do it for you.  This device uses PWS (Precision Weighting System) that provides constant pressure to the entire length of the penis, but it will cost you about 200 bucks.

FIFTH – If you feel the need to cum, stop or hold the head to discourage it from happening until the urge goes away.

SIXTH – Stroke it about 200 times in rhythmic motions for an average workout at least 5 times a week.  Beginners should start off doing 100 strokes a day and work up to 200.  Results can become visible in about a month on a small scale, but 3 to 5 months is necessary to see large results.  Some men claim that their dick increased up to 8 inches in length and 5 inches in width.  Talk about a “big ego”.

SEVENTH – You want to make sure that you do this for at least thirty minutes or up to an hour.  Although it seems like a long time, you are going to appreciate every minute of it in the long run.

EIGHTH – It is important to do the wet technique right or your little man will look like a mini baseball bat.  To prevent this, make sure you work the whole penis from the bottom to the top.  If you are doing the dry version, it done wrong, it can look like a donut.  The cops will love you, but it wont’ be very appealing unless you want to make your way into the next traveling “freak” show.

NINTH – After each massage session, use a warm towel to for at least five minutes just like you did in the beginning.

TENTH - The jelging exercises should be stopped immediately if any pain or discomfort persists from it.  Some things are better left untouched.  You can always just focus on anal sex.  This way no one gets hurt.

Don’t be too hard on yourself if it takes a while for you to master it.  It is not an easy task to do.