Gifts are always hard no matter what the circumstances I usually just buy magnetic board games for everyone and call it a day.  Probably not the best, but at least it’s safe.  Being on the receiving end of a really awkward, creepy, bizarre, or slightly sexual gift can be a terrible experience to endure.   So if you’re  forced to fake a smile for that awesomely bad gift this holiday season, just remember, at least they didn’t give you one of the following.

FemSkin

Have you ever had that transgendered friend that you could never pick out the right gift for?  Well fret no longer because this gift has it all.  Appropriatly named,  FemSkin

” is designed for the Transgendered, made of a soft, flesh-like silicone rubber (INCREDIBLY REALISTIC!) With a super realistic female genitalia, breast and an anus.”

Sounds like you get the kitchen sink with this product.  I am not sure  I would use the word “super” when trying to sell a product, but to each its own.  Its one drawback…. no bowel movements can pass through it, but you can insert objects into it! Whew that is a relief.  Perfect for the Buffalo Bill in your life! - Source

Thats My Face.com

Thatsmyface.com opens up a world of possibilities in the creepy gift game.  The site helps you to create a lifelike 3- D rendering from a front and side profile images.  The rendering is then transferred onto a variety of real life objects like a crystal ball, or on a Mech Robot, or an action figure.  Add to the creepy factor by using a picture of a old relative who has passed away with some horns photoshoped in.  Alternatively, make a collection of action figures out of all of your friends faces, then arrange them in awkward positions  for photos or stop motion animation. -Source

Analometer

Back in the good ole days, doctors used to stick thermometers up your ass.  Apparently it is the best place to check for your temperature.  Well Analometer is a blast from the past with a wearable, in your ass, thermometer just in case your temperature goes crazy on you.  Its being marketed exclusively to firefighters since no one else really needs this uncomfortable device.  However, they try to spin themselves a way to get others to try it almost to the point of thinking of using it sexually.  I am still not quite sure if this is a serious device that someone is trying to sell or some really bad joke that was taken too far.  If you look at the frequently asked questions, one can find a wide variety of topics on how its not gay and that being gay is bad.  I don’t really need your harsh judgments,  Analometer.  Also on the homepage there are links to celebrity bikini shots, so yeah, be your own judge on this one and if anyone has actually bought this, I’d love to hear about your experience….-Source

The Comfort Wipe

The comfort wipe is on of those “As Seen on TV” types of products that innovative in some way or another.  It helps you wipe your ass in the laziest way possible.  Less movement for today’s morbidly obese man or woman.  Of course, its marketed towards older people who might need help wiping themselves, but i think its just America’s lazy ways.  No wonder we are considered a fat culture, we need to think of an easier way to wipe our ass.  The best part is that it is brilliantly designed to fit the contours of your body(your giant ass).  But wait there is more!  you else get a grip so you can get your ass off the toilet seat.  A simultaneously disturbingly awkward and insulting gift.

Life Gems

Life gems is a company that makes diamonds out of dead people or even dogs.  Their recent claim to fame is  that they are going to make a life gem (Diamond) out of Michael Jackson’s burnt hair from the infamous Pepsi commercial.  Now that is pretty creepy, but think of all the creepy things you could do with the kind of money they are asking for.  The prices range from 2,000 to 20,000 dollars.  I think I am going to make a life gem out of my own hair and where it around town.  That would be probably the creepiest thing you could do with it.  But hey, I am selfish enough to know that I am the most important person in my life.   - Source

Sokkly

The Sokkly is similar to Thats My Face, but its a doll, and it’s made in Japan.  This Sokkly is a robot/doll  form of yourself that can talk like you and wave.   Perfect for replacing daddy so he can go out and get wasted with his buddies.  - Source

Opto-Isolator

Have any artsy fartsy friends? Well, now’s your chance to watch them squirm as you give them the worlds creepiest peice of art.  Not only does the eye follow you, it mimicks you as well, blinking when you do, and looking away just after you look at it.  - Source

Opto-Isolator (2007), Interactive Eye Robot from Golan Levin on Vimeo.

FaceBank

This has to be one of the creepiest things I have ever seen.  It will probably haunt you in your dreams for the rest of my life so be forewarned.  Once again,  made in Japan.  Once again,  robots are involved.  Once again, it doesn’t make any sense to my sheltered American culture.  From what i gather, the Facebank eats your coins and stores them.  Seems like the perfect gift for teaching kids how to choke on a quarter, thanks a lot Facebank.-Source

Hug Me Pillow

The Hug Me Pillow is for that creepy girl who is never happy unless she has a boyfriend.  The solution is this manly arm of a pillow to sleep close to at night.  It even comes with a shirt.  Personally I would put a Mexcan poncho on it and see what happens.  As you can see by the photo the woman is sound asleep with this creepy arm.  It is also 100% polyester!- source

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