If you make it through your dating life without getting stood up, go write a book about it. They’ll make it into a movie. For the rest of us, I find it best to learn how to find some humor out of the situation. While, yeah, it’s annoying that you gussied yourself up for no reason, and possibly embarrassing to be sitting in a restaurant snacking on free bread for an hour–wouldn’t you rather laugh than cry?
In 2011, you’d think with all the technological advances we have that being stood up would be a thing of the past. Let me tell you that it’s not the case. I recently agreed to meet a guy from an online dating site for a date. We agreed to meet in the mid-afternoon at a well-known and well-populated public location. My journey there on public transportation took about an hour, and I got there early as I almost always do. I thought there might be trouble, since there were so many people, but I found a nice spot where I could watch all the entrances and exits. An hour later and he’s still not there. I couldn’t call or text him because we’d neglected to share digits, so I left. When I got home I shot him a message asking him what happened. He replied that he was sorry, something had come up last minute. Stupidly, I agreed to give him another chance.
The next Friday we agreed to meet at the same time in a different public place. Again, I got there early, and again, he didn’t show up. I honestly didn’t expect him to show, and in that respect the fool didn’t let me down. I decided, since I was already in a part of town I don’t often travel to, to explore, check out some places I’d heard about, and have a nice date with myself. And let me tell you–I had a fabulous time!
The moral of the story, for me, was not to let this fool diminish my self-confidence. In fact, I think my first time being stood up gave me an even stronger self-esteem. Instead of feeling useless and unloved, I realized that whatever reason this loser had for not showing up–that was his problem, not mine. So now, if I feel a little down on myself or if I need a boost, I just laugh at my romantic misadventures instead of crying over them.
I realize my advice, for many, may be easier said than done. I, too, have spent much time feeling like the Forever Alone meme. I suggest you do what I did and model your confidence off of that of drag queens and disco divas. RuPaul, as always, is a great source of wisdom: “What other people think of me is none of my damn business.” Make yourself a playlist of self-esteem anthems. Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” is sure to boost your spirits like no other, and Beyonce’s “Best Thing I Never Had” will help you realize how much it doesn’t suck to be you. And while Eleanor Roosevelt was allegedly not a drag queen, she has a famous quote that just might help you lift that ego off the ground: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
While television and cinema may have us thinking of lonely women at candlelit restaurants clad in LBDs telling waiters to keep-em-coming with the wine, the fact of the matter is that being stood up doesn’t have to be so dreary. No matter who you are–man, woman, or in-between–being stood up is not about you, it’s about the other person. So laugh about the fact that you were considering dating such an obvious loser and be glad that you didn’t tap that.
Shanaca Grier
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