Not everyone is comfortable with being touched. Whether it’s due to issues with their gender, past trauma, or they just plain don’t like it, some people don’t want you touching their sexual bits.
In lesbian culture this is often referred to as being stone. The stereotype is of a tough masculine woman who wears a leather jacket with combat boots and rides a Harley. They keep their strap-on with them at all times and are ready to forcefully fuck a girl in the bathroom stall of the local lesbian dive bar. They fuck with their shirt buttoned, their pants on and their boots laced. They’re intensely focused on the person they’re fucking because their pleasure is stemming directly from their ability to please their partner. Hot? Many seem to think so.
Of course, it’s just a stereotype. Stone persons don’t have to be butch, lesbian or female. They also don’t have to be tops or own a strap-on. They don’t even need to like wearing boots. The only constant in stone identity is a varying level of discomfort surrounding others touching their body. And they’re not alone. Plenty of trans persons and even straight cis men and women share their desire to please but not be pleased.
If this seems impossible to you, consider whether or not you like having your toes sucked. For some people it’s hot, for other it’s ambivalent and for some it decidedly sucks. Is it any leap that some people would have the same attitude surrounding their genitals?
If you’re dating a stone person, it’s important to remember that their stoneness is not proportional to your hotness and you won’t be “curing” them. This doesn’t mean they won’t change over time. They might or they might not. In the meantime, enjoy being the focus of their sexual attention.
Also remember that just because you can’t touch their bits, doesn’t mean you need to lay beneath them like a stiff log afraid of moving. Odds are they’re more than comfortable with your hands in their hair, on their back, face, arms and maybe even ass. You have nails, you have a grip, you have teeth and a tongue and just because those aren’t applied to an erogenous zone or aren’t leading to a big bang, doesn’t mean they can’t bring your partner a world of pleasure.
Also, don’t assume they don’t want to get off too. After watching you orgasm, they’re likely riled up and they might have established a way to keep their pants on and get off with you there. Ask them “What can I do for you?” and then don’t push the sexual envelope if they respond with, “lay here with me a while.”
If you’re with someone who is skiddish about being touched and they do one day answer that question with “touch me,” be supportive and don’t hesitate. Hesitation is a turn off for nearly everyone. There’s nothing like trying to push your own sexual envelopes only to be reminded of them at every turn. Your partner is a big boy or girl and they will stop you before you go too far.
If it doesn’t go well, keep your self confidence about you. It’s no different than if your partner decided to try anal only to find it wasn’t for them. There are as many variations of sexual expression as there are variations of people. Don’t get caught up in what people don’t like. Find out what they do.
Kole
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