At some point or another, nearly every human finds themselves tip toeing on the line of commitment and fidelity. We ask ourselves what really defines cheating? Does a fling count if I am in another time zone? What if the rendezvous stays within the confines of the world wide web?
Every man and woman has their own set of morals. What may seem harsh to you may seem like nothing more to another. Let me tell you a story about my friend Pierre.
Pierre who is an engaged financial analyst is a staple in the strip clubs of NYC. He sees no problem with dropping in once a week on his way home from work. Innocent enough, right? well not quite. While Pierre’s penchant for lap dances started out as an innocuous habit, this is no longer the case. Pierre went from watching the girls dance, to getting a lap dance and becoming a good paying customer to entering the danger zone which we shall call “The Champagne Room”.
“A lap dance here or there, that’s not cheating.” says Pierre. “I live in the champagne room, those girls grind on me. My rule is this: If you shoot a load in your pants, that’s not cheating; if you blow one out of your pants…that’s cheating.”
Oh really? When I heard this from him I decided to explore the topic more in depth and also explore the depths of my own morality. Being in a monogamous relationship for 6 years, I always try to identify what my boyfriend considers cheating and he has very moral and rigid views not only for how I should behave, but how he should behave as well. When I asked him what he thought of the whole champagne room theory he quipped, “strip clubs are a huge waste of money and in his case a huge waste of a relationship and fruit of the looms.”
Okay, so while we all like to think our significant others are as faithful as Old Yeller, behind our backs we may be surprised in the worst way possible. Some of those surprises may be ones that don’t go away without medical intervention, like HIV. For instance, there is a whole gay subculture within the African-American population. It’s called being down low and it is becoming a huge problem. Down low basically means that a married man goes and has promiscuous sex with other men while their wives have not the slightest idea. They like being married because it keeps up their macho facade but they love having sex with gay men. This poses not only the problem of infidelity, but the problem of bringing home an incurable disease to your family.
“I’ve been going to gay clubs while my wife’s out of town,” says Jesse, a former coworker. Sometimes I do go home with the guys I meet. I just don’t consider it cheating. It’s something I’m still figuring out, but I would never dare touch another woman. That’s different. These are just guys and one night stands.”
So, what’s cheating? What’s not cheating? I’ll tell you.
Looking at porn is not cheating. Flirting at the supermarket is not cheating. Eating lunch with a co worker of the opposite sex everyday is not cheating. Now, kissing a woman who is not your wife or girlfriend-that’s definitely cheating. An overwhelming number of your peers will also agree that if another woman has her breasts, lips, hands or toes near your dick, that is cheating and hate to break it to you Jesse, sex with guys is still cheating plain and simple. If you are lying about business trips to London, so you can bring a woman back to The Gansevoort 15 blocks away from your apartment? It doesn’t really matter what you tell yourself to sleep better at night. You are cheating. And if you have a line as ridiculous as “In the pants is not cheating; out of pants is cheating” you shouldn’t even be in a relationship at all.
Did You Know?
61% of men say it’s easier to cheat the second time around; the majority of scoundrels say they cheated again because they “didn’t feel as guilty” as they thought they would.
90:2 is the ratio of cheating husbands who had previously cheated on a girlfriend to faithful husbands who had.
Cheaters are 6 times more likely that non cheaters to think that infidelity can actually help a relationship.
14% of partners would revenge cheat if they found out their significant other had done it first.
59% of men in a committed relationship have cheated at least once.
7% of men think that being drunk is a hall pass for cheating.
55% of men think that a happy ending is a good way for a bad ending to a relationship.
What are your thoughts on cheating?
By Kristie Rivaloro
Pic via Railbird
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