Are you gay, and an atheist (gay-theist?) who feels weird screaming “Oh, God!” during sex? Try calling out to these gay or gay-friendly gods instead:
Zeus
The daddy of all things Men and Greek, Zeus didn’t discriminate between the sexes when it came to getting it on. The skygod took a special liking to Ganymede, a young and beautiful boy that he spotted herding his flock on Mount Ida. According to Greek mythology, Zeus came down in the form of an eagle, where he abducted Ganymede and carried him to Mount Olympus, where he’d have the hunk spread eagle for all of eternity. The two would often lay a cloud together, and Ganymede would eventually become Zeus’ cupbearer. The god’s actions helped set the tone for a common Athenian practice known as pederasty, in which an older male citizen would take under his wing a young man in order to introduce him into the ways of adult society while conducting a sexual relationship. Zeus was often known to switch genders on occasion, often turning himself into image of Artermis to seduce young goddesses.
Heracles
A symbol of masculinity and warriorship, Heracles had a number of male lovers, and would probably be called Whorecles if he were alive today. He had a fond affection for Iolaus, his charioteer and squire. Heracles fell in love with I0alus, who some also called his nephew, after he helped him slay the feared beast, The Hydra. Never one to settle down, Heracles left Iolaus to pursue other men, but not without giving him a parting gift: his wife. Heracles also had a passionate affair with Hylas, and ironically used a lot of Trojans. Trojan Warriors, that is.
Set & Horus
Horus, the divine child, was in constant battle with his Uncle Set throughout the land of Egypt. One story, however, has Set trying to seduce Horus in order to prove his dominance. A true tale of incest and BDSM, Horus placed his hand between Set’s thighs and caught his semen, then threw it in the river. Horus then added insult to injury by spilling his semen on a piece of lettuce, and tricking Set into eating it. As a result, Set got pregnant and gave birth to Horus’ child.
Artemis
Known as “The Huntress,” Artemis was among the choosiest of the Gods. Though sought after, Artemis chose to hold on to her virginity, often rejecting the advances of masculine gods to spend time with women, and travel with nymphs, whom she shared many a naked encounter with. For her purity, Artemis became the goddess of the moon, and the protector of women and children. She rejected traditional roles, such as marriage, and often held festivals that included same sex worship from men and women. Many consider Artemis to be an inspiration behind Wonder Woman, a superhero worshipped by gay men and lesbians everywhere.
Opollo
One of the more popular of the Greek gods, and the twin brother of Artemis, Apollo is associated with the sun gods. He presides over religious and civil law is the patron of the arts, poets and muses.
Apollo is the only Greek god who did not sleep with Aphrodite, but he did sleep with her son, Hymen, among several other male lovers. Apollo’s favorite lover was Hyacinth, who was tragically was wounded. Unable to save his beloved, Apollo created the Hyacinth flower from his blood, and Hyacinth later became a divine patron to those pursuing same sex love.
Pan
Pan was the god of shepherds and flocks, of mountain wilds, hunting and rustic music. The offspring of a demon and a nymph, Pan is famous for his sexual powers and long penis. He is also known for teaching shepherds how to masturbate, and once seduced the goddess Selene by wrapping himself in sheepskin. Talk about safe sex!
Ganesha
A god in the Hindu religion, Ganesha is a four armed, plump man with an elephant’s head known to be the breaker of obstacles. Ganesha is linked to homoerotic worship involving anal sex, and is mixed in terms of sexuality: masculine in gender, but soft, tender and portrayed with breasts. His name often inspires LGBT festivals across the eastern world.
Achilles
Most people know the story of Achilles’ heal, the one part of his body that made him weak. However, look further into his story and you’ll see that it was another body part that ruled Achilles: yep, his penis. Achilles feel in love with his good friend, Patroclus, when they were young, good-looking soldiers. Their passion was described as “deeply sexual,” and they often made love between the thighs. Achilles was admired for his ability to have sex with a man, while maintaining a great friendship, a rare commodity in the world of gay Greek gods.
Dionysus
The Greek god of wine, madness, poetry and love: Dionysus was one hot tranny mess. He is depicted as soft and lady-like, yet masculine and strong, and often wore women’s clothing to hide from his stepmother’s wrath. His “gifts” of wine and passion often made suitors go mad, unleash unbridled passion and blur sex roles. Dionysus was another god who got around, having torrid affairs with with the gods Adonis and Hermaphrodite.
Oprheus
Once married and in love with his beautiful wife, Eurydice, Orpheus shunned women after her tragic death. After spending a few years as a priest in Apollo’s temple, Orpheus developed a love for the male youth and began teaching the men of Thrace the art of loving boys. He told them that this love was the “way to feel young again, to touch the innocence of youth, to smell the flowers of spring. Orpheus soon shacked up with men of his own, including, the winged Calais, his friend and companion.
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