1. The Original Honeypot:
Cleopatra is thought to be the first noted woman in history to pleasure herself. Only since Egypt didn’t have a branch of Babeland, legend has it she had to make do with hollowed-out gourds….full of bees.
2. Spilling the Beans:
The term onanism which is synonymous with masturbation originally referred to coitus interuptus and is derived from the biblical character Onan. Onan purposefully spilled his seed during a forced attempt to impregnate his brother’s widow after his brother was murdered and his father creepily complied with Jewish law insisted on the coupling to produce heirs.
Onan inspired the name of a most uncomfortable jack-off deterrent in the late 1880′s. The anti-onanism device mimicked medieval chastity belts but was reserved for young boys who were tempted to familiarize themselves with their own bodies. And you thought your dad finding your Playboys was bad!
3. Get Yer Rocks Off:
Images of male masturbation have even been found on rock paintings from ancient times at places like Khajuraho in India and various sites in Japan. The Kama Sutra also (naturally) provides precise techniques to achieve optimal self-pleasure.
4. Spring Dick-ins:
Masturbation was a popular theme in shunga, Japan’s term for erotic art that piqued in popularity between 1603 to 1867. The name shunga is derived from the word “spring” which is a euphemism for sex in Japanese culture.
5. Laughing All the Way Home from the Doctor’s Office:
The early 1900′s and a treatise from Freud brought with it an unusual secondary use for digital stimulation. “Hysteria” became a catch-all term for ailments and mindsets experienced by married women which in modern times would actually be classified as sexual dysfunction or dissatisfaction. This condition would be medicinally treated via the (surely eager) helping hands of doctors. Early versions of vibrators are thought to have originated and appeared on the market because the fingers of the many Dr. Feel-Goods got tired from administering constant “treatment” to their patients.
6. Snap! Crackle! Stop!:
Cereal magnate John Harvey Kellogg had many goals beyond the breakfast revolution. A staunch believer in masturbation-related deaths, in addition to mental health decay he credited touching one’s naughty spot with causing cancer of the womb, urinary diseases, impotence, epilepsy and insanity. His famous corn flakes were initially developed to help decrease interest in sex.
7. Knock. Knock. Coming!:
The first porno films known as stags were illegal to produce much less distribute. Traveling salesman shilling these titillating wares did so in secret- often hiding the goods in doctors’ bags. Screenings would be organized in back-rooms of all-male social clubs so as to keep the authorities at bay. Some scholars maintain that the term smokers, another way of referring to stags, was actually derived from the clouds of cigarette smoke that accompanied these special parties.
8. Laugh-whack:
Even as late as 1992, the entire concept of solo-intimacy was considered inappropriate to address on mainstream television. Seinfeld’s infamous episode “The Contest” cleverly broke the taboo by never once having any character utter the the word “masturbation” instead opting to refer to the activity using a variety of round-about phrases, the most famous of which being, “master of your domain.”
9. Don’t Touch. Don’t Tell:
In 1994 US Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders got fired (by President Clinton!) after speaking at a UN conference on AIDS. When asked if masturbation should be looked at as a way to help prevent young people from having sex before they understood the risks, she answered, “I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught.”
Dr. Elders was advocating discussion of the act as part of sex education, not the provision of explicit directions. Nonetheless she raised public hackles and was dismissed by the same man who would go on to lie about the lessons he taught his interns in the oval office.
10. Chimp-an-peepshow:
As more and more scientific evidence supporting theories about the sex lives of animals beyond their desire to procreate is acquired, so too is video proof on youtube filmed by tourists who often get more than they bargained for during their family trips to the zoo: NSFW
Images:
songbirdgarden.com
butlersheetmetal.com
travelpod.com
thespot.org
coldbloodedchillers.com
examiner.com
retrosexblog.com
chexydecimal.com
sheknows.com
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